I Never Wanted Children Until I Had You

When I grew up I never thought I would have children. My mother and father had a rocky marriage while my sister and I were young. I didn’t really wanted that for myself. You know how you tell yourself that somethings would neverrrr happen to you?

I was so wrong!

Life has hit me HARD at a young age. I was desperately trying to fill in a space in my heart that I thought anyone.. or man could help me fill. Don’t get me wrong, I have a father, but the inconsistency of coming in and out of our lives didn’t serve me well. It wasn’t his doing, but when two people just can’t get along for the sake of the children it does no one good. Being in between custody battles were not fun. 

With all of that being said, I found myself pregnant and giving birth to a little boy at 17 years old turning 18 years old in a few months. So, it wasn’t the fairytale I had seen on television, it was a scary movie. Through that I was still determined to graduate high school early, because I wanted to do right by this little boy. His biological father was never there and I had enough of the physical and emotional abuse. So many times I wanted to just give up. I didn’t know what my purpose was anymore since this had happened. The life I clearly said I didn’t want to have I was actually living it now.

I contemplated ending it all so many times, because circumstances would always happen. He was always sick and I had a job to go to! Thankfully, I had just moved in with my dad and it slowly started getting better for me. I had a half brother and sister that I enjoyed and loved. I would pay my little sister to watch her nephew while I would go to work late night after daycare closed. I mean after all, my baby was innocent and I had to think… just because that chapter happened the way it did it doesn’t mean every chapter would be the same. From getting evicted and car repo, it’s been a hell of a ride! 

Something good can come out a bad situation

It doesn’t define me and I honestly don’t think I would change anything. God has blessed me with being this smart, handsome, and so sweet little boy’s mama that will be 10 years old this year! He showed me how to love unconditionally, how to be patient, and how to be forgiving. 

And not long after this hard struggle as a single mom, I found my now husband that had helped me raise him and changed my entire life.

God bless the great fathers

Fast forward to me now… still married with 4 beautiful children.

If you went or is going through a similar situation know that you are not alone, and God will make a way. I am living in my victory and not in defeat!

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